


A Free Mind

by kyoselflove



Category: Dir en grey, Jrock, Lycaon, MEJIBRAY
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Captivity, Character Death, Drama, Dubious Consent, Imprisonment, Language, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Necrophilia, Rape, Tragedy, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 07:52:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6509359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoselflove/pseuds/kyoselflove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Koichi is a prisoner in his own home, he spends most of his time looking out the window taking an interest in the lives of others. When he sees Yuuki for the first time he knew right away that he had fallen for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Free Mind

**Author's Note:**

> This is a dark fic, consider yourself warned.

Hearing thudding, clanking, talking, and among other sounds had him curious. Peering through the blinds of his window, he took note of the house next to his own. A large truck sat out on the curb, boxes littered the yard, and carrying a flimsy cardboard box was someone he didn’t recognize. A new neighbor.

Curiosity perked him up, lifting his blinds; he continued to watch on as the man unpacked the truck. Seemingly having no other help, he figured the man was alone. When he stopped to take a break, he received a nice view of his face. All he could think to describe him as was, gentle. 

In his mind, he was already creating a fantasy with him. His neighbor seemed like the kind of man that would treat him right, take him out on dates, to see the world. Love him. Captivated, he watched on as the man took a sip of water and wiped his brow. The man had a full smile and kind eyes, it had him delving deeper into his daydreaming.

“Koichi!”

His head snapped to the voice calling out his name, quickly he shut the blinds and left the room, in search of his boyfriend, no...not anymore, Koichi didn’t think of him as anything less of a monster. Finding him in the kitchen, he noticed that Toshiya had his fists clenched and his lips in a snarl. “Yes?”

“Undress,” Thankful that every window in the house was covered, probably for situations like this, which happened all too often, Koichi began to strip in the middle of the kitchen while Toshiya’s hungry yet angry eyes roamed over his shaking frame, surely from the cold temperature the house was kept at.

Naked, Koichi wrapped his arms around his thin body, ashamed of the multiple bruises painted across his skin. Only to have Toshiya slap his arms away, “Don’t cover up.”

He mumbled an apology, waiting for Toshiya to use him anyway he saw fit today. Feeling Toshiya’s nails scrape along his flesh, catching on the scabs of old wounds, he whimpered. Koichi could feel a finger making its way between his ass cheeks; he squeezed his eyes shut.

Then there was a knock at the door.

Toshiya pulled away, his face returning to his neutral everyday look, the mask that terrified him yet fooled everyone else, “Get into the room.”

Doing as he was told, Koichi made his way up the stairs, but stopped at the top. Eyes sneaking a peek below where he could still stay hidden, he watched as his once boyfriend opened the door. There stood the simple wide smile that had only taken him a few seconds to fall in love with. His heartbeat was radical as the new neighbor gave Toshiya that smile, only to get a forced one in return.

The mere thought of his ungrateful ex-boyfriend receiving such a gift made him scowl. Even so, he tuned his ears to their conversation.

“Can I help you?” Toshiya’s disguised politeness was obvious, the smile on their neighbor’s face faltered for a second before he recovered it.

“Hi, I’m Yuuki, I just moved in next to you, well not completely moved in,” Yuuki laughed and scratched the back of his head, “I wanted to meet you is all, do you live alone?”

Koichi had become transfixed, every little action that Yuuki did had his heart fluttering. He wondered what Toshiya would say of him, since he never went outside it would probably be best for him to lie and say yes, that he did live alone. But Toshiya surprised him, “No, I don’t live alone. Is there anything you needed?”

Yuuki’s wide smile had reduced, he shook his head, “No, sorry to bother you.” And with that he turned around and Toshiya slammed the door behind him. Before Toshiya could turn around, Koichi ran up the rest of the stairs to his room with light footsteps. Not wasting anytime, he bent back the blinds once again, down on the sidewalk, he could see Yuuki heading to the house on the other side of his own. 

“Do I need to board up all the windows?” Toshiya’s voice made him jump, the loud slap of the blinds closing shut had made him jump again. It was then that he realized he was still naked and what Toshiya wanted from him.

Koichi shook his head, the windows were his only way of feeling alive anymore. If they were gone, he would wither away and not care to hold on anymore. Especially not being able to see Yuuki’s beautiful gentle face any longer.

He still could see his face when he closed his eyes, even when he felt hands on his hips, lifting him up, getting into position. The image shattered when Toshiya entered him, he whimpered, he was always sore, even if he had used lubrication this time. The wounds from last night still hadn’t healed.

Like most nights, it had become too much and he felt himself passing out.

When he came to, he was alone again. Shooting a glance towards the window, Koichi was relieved to see it was not boarded up. He knew if he didn’t be more discrete Toshiya would hold true to his word. Moving was a challenge, his whole body felt stiff and sore. His eyes never left the window as he crawled up on to his knees, making his way over. Parting the blinds, the bright sun made him wince but his eyes quickly adjusted. 

Out on his small porch was Yuuki, reading. Such a simple thing and he couldn’t have looked more enchanting. Koichi smiled when Yuuki would periodically swat bugs away from his face. He wished he could watch longer but he had to empty his bladder and find something to settle his stomach.

With much reluctance, Koichi moved away from the window and went to the bathroom. When he was done, he carefully stepped down the stairs making his way to the kitchen. Still naked, since he felt like it was pointless to wear clothes anymore. Since they only made Toshiya more angry. Koichi found some leftover rice in the cooker, he scooped him out a bowl. Ate it quickly, then washed the dish. Since he wasn’t allowed to eat upstairs and he needed to get back to see Yuuki again before he went inside.

But instead to his disappointment, Yuuki was already gone when he got back. Plopping down on the mattress he rested his head on the pillow. Might as well sleep some more and wait for his monster to return.

This time when he awoke his body felt better, it was easy to slide out of bed. And again he found himself alone. Toshiya’s work must have been keeping him busy. Going downstairs, he noticed a ray of sunshine along the tiled floor. Its trail led to the wide open door, Koichi gasped. His first instinct was to look around for Toshiya. His search was cut short when he heard a knock on the open door, “Hello?”

He recognized that voice in a second, Yuuki. Panicking, Koichi didn’t know what to do, looking down he was startled to see he was wearing a pair of white pants and a white hoodie. Not naked.

“Hi,” his voice sounded awful, cracked and dry.

Yuuki stepped into his own personal hell and smiled, brightening it more than the sun. “What’s your name?”

Koichi.

Yuuki stared, he realized his mistake, “Koichi.”

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Yuuki!”

“I know,” he said before his lips could stop, he could feel his cheeks burn in embarrassment. 

He found himself colliding into Yuuki’s arms, he couldn’t help it, Koichi wanted to know what it felt like to be held by the man. A hand rubbed his back, making him coo at the affection.

“Are you alright?” Yuuki’s tone changed.

Koichi wondered if that was concern he saw, he felt so inhuman, not understanding anything anymore. He was still being held, it felt safe and comfortable. An embrace he never wanted to leave, he couldn’t help but sob against Yuuki’s neck. Taking in his scent, he smelled of the outside world, dirt, mixed in with sweat. It made Koichi want him even more than before.

Feeling more needy than he had ever felt, Koichi pulled back just enough to place a kiss on Yuuki’s lips. But it was short lived, Yuuki pushed him back with a gentle hand.

“Hey, you don’t have to do that,” he felt him tuck a loose strand of his hair behind his ear.

He started to panic, Toshiya would be home soon. There was no doubt about that, he had been gone too long. And why had the door been left unlocked? Toshiya would never forget to lock it. His mind was reeling, Yuuki was touching him, he could die right now happy.

“I…” he had no idea what to say, he need Yuuki’s touch but his time was limited, so instead he pushed him away.

 

All his days were becoming a blur, he couldn’t remember doing any necessary functions such as eating and taking a piss. Again he woke up in bed, this time naked, and Toshiya was next to him. He let his eyes roam over his tormentor’s sleeping frame, remembering when once he had admired his features. Once he had loved him. What had happened to make it all wrong?

His fingers moved on their own accord, tracing Toshiya’s jaw line, wanting him, wanting anyone. Any affection was what he so desired. Toshiya flinched in his sleep but didn’t waken. Koichi felt sick to his stomach for his thoughts, wanting to taste his once boyfriend’s cock in his mouth even though he hated the taste. He had become overly desperate, that was what Toshiya wanted. And it was what he got.

Koichi was trapped. There was no way out of his own personal hell. Yuuki, he seemed a kind soul, a way out. He felt the need to seek out him for means of an escape, but at what cost? His fingertip dipped into Toshiya’s mouth, it felt empowering to take control like this while he slept. A rush went over him, where he wanted to flip the tables, and fuck Toshiya until he bled. When a whimper escaped his lips, he quickly stopped all movement with two fingers in Toshiya’s mouth, and he didn't seem to notice.

Every sound seemed to be in the distance, even his own breath seemed to echo from far away. Removing his fingers, Koichi laid down beside his monster and snuggled close. A coward he was, or else he would have been free by now. In the sense of outside in the world or free in the afterworld.

When his eyes became heavy, he willed himself to never wake up again.

Fingers digging into his shoulder woke him up. Blinking his eyes open, he saw Toshiya hovering over him, mumbling something that he didn’t care to listen to. He may have whispered something back, but Koichi couldn’t recall. Next time he opened his eyes, he was alone.

Beginning his day like usual, once again he found the front door wide open and unlocked. This time, he went towards it, and he wasn’t naked, again clad in a white outfit. The first thing to hit him was the smell, outside smelt so different compared to the dusty old inside air he was used to. A sun shining bright, it would take a while to adjust to, but that didn’t matter.

Expanding his lungs he took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh air for the first time in years. His face began to hurt and he realized it was because he had been smiling so large. Wet grass tickled his barefeet, he looked up to the sky, finding it grey though the sun didn’t hide, rain droplets hit his face. He giggled, turning his attention to Yuuki. Standing so close to him, he joined in the laughter, and held out his hand.

Koichi gladly took it and they began to run across the lawn, the rain coming down harder, soaking him in seconds. The grass soon turned muddy causing him to slip and Yuuki came crashing down with him. Side by side, they continued to laugh, he could feel himself sinking in the mud and didn’t care. Their lips met, wet from the rain, he started to shake and he didn’t know if it was from the cold or excitement.

After their lips were released from the short sweet kiss, Yuuki helped him up. They ran into Yuuki’s house. In the inside, there were no decorations on the white walls or boxes, it startled Koichi that it was so empty. He didn’t have any longer to dwell on it, Yuuki tugged on his arm. Shortly after, they were inside an empty white bathroom, it was eerie, but Koichi supposed it was alright since Yuuki was there with him.

Their clothes were removed, laying on the tile floor in a muddy heap. The water in the shower felt nice against his skin, but the warmth couldn’t seem to shake his trembling body. Yuuki’s mouth was back on his, he whimpered as he felt him wrap a hand around his flaccid cock. He leaned into the touch, having not felt something so good in so long. His knees weakened so he rested against the shower wall as Yuuki jerked his cock to life. 

Those addictive lips moved away, trailing kisses along his face, “You’re so beautiful.”

“You really think so?” Koichi whispered.

Yuuki nodded, his hand moving faster, he wouldn’t be able to last much longer. His hand reached for Yuuki, wanting to return the favor but Yuuki slapped his hand away.

“Relax, this is all for you.”

But he wanted to touch Yuuki. He bit his lip and complied, Yuuki sucked along his neck. Now his body was full on shaking, he felt so weak. Yuuki’s thumb swiped over the head of his cock and he let loose, spilling into his hand, the stream from the shower washing it down the drain. And he collapsed but not before hearing Yuuki’s words, “It’s okay now.”

 

*

 

Years ago he wasn't like this, but he had changed. His view on the world had changed. Everything had. The world was an ugly and dangerous place. It had turned him into a violent man that he barely managed to face in the mirror everyday. When he wasn’t at home he was at work, doing construction. It kept up his physique, one thing he prided himself on. 

More than ever he was worried about Koichi. He knew he had been too hard on him the last few years, but it was for his own good. But when he came home the other night to find him curled up underneath the damn window shivering, Toshiya’s heart cracked but he kept his demeanor cold.

“What are you doing? Get back into bed.”

Koichi’s eyes were glossy, he looked up and whispered so quietly that Toshiya almost didn’t hear, “You left the door unlocked.”

Toshiya most certainly did not, he had two deadbolts that he locked from the outside everyday before leaving. Never would he have left it unlocked. This incident had sent him into a world of worry. Everytime he went to work he couldn’t keep his mind off Koichi, his bright spirit missing from those eyes, and it was all because of him.

It seemed so long ago when he had last seen Koichi smile. He remembered it clearly though, an image forever burned into his mind. The night was warm as they walked along the busy streets of Tokyo, their stomachs full from an expensive meal, Toshiya wanted it to be special. They stopped along the outskirts of the city, overlooking the skyline, Toshiya held Koichi’s hand tightly, never wanting to let go.

Koichi looked at him, his smile showing all his teeth, his dark eyes luring him in and they shared a chaste kiss. Releasing their hands, Toshiya stroked Koichi’s cheeks, “Will you spend the rest of your life with me?”

The smile stayed in place, Koichi lowered his eyes, a faint blush hinting his beautiful face, “Do you really have to ask?” Koichi laughed, it was music to his ears, “I would love to spend the rest of our lives together, Toshiya.”

It was one of the largest commitments Toshiya had ever made. And he couldn’t have ever felt happier. That night they made love underneath the stars, in their secluded backyard, the quiet night filled with Koichi’s sweet moans. There would never be another night like it.

The first thing to change him was when he began to pay more attention to what happened around them. Assault, rape, and murder; it had shocked him, and he couldn’t bare to think of any of it happening to Koichi. So to settle his mind, he asked Koichi to quit his job as an assistant at a local fashion store, Toshiya didn’t know the details but he just wanted him to stay home safe. At first Koichi was hesitant but gladly took up the opportunity to relax. Toshiya made sure to shower him with gifts daily.

Everything seemed to be working out fine to his favor, until one day his brother was killed. They had always been best friends, he used to be his everything until he met Koichi. Sweet Koichi tried to comfort him, but Toshiya snapped, it was the first time he hit him. Koichi’s face turned to shock, his manicured nails pressing against his swelling cheek.

Toshiya had an apology lingering on his lips but he couldn’t let it out. Tears formed in his lover’s eyes and he sat there and did nothing. He found that he kind of liked it, the pent up anger at the world had released for a tiny moment. What he didn’t like was how heartbroken Koichi looked. That was the day that had changed everything, ever since he could feel Koichi’s hatred towards him only intensify. 

Some nights though he justified himself when Koichi would cuddled up close to him while he slept. He was still there, he still loved him. Toshiya kept repeating those words in his head as he tried to sleep at night. 

Seeing the bruises on Koichi’s pale body had heightened an arousal out of him he had never felt before. It made him realized that maybe he was like this all along, that Koichi was doomed to this fate as they exchanged those words so long ago.

But still there was an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, he left work early because of it. As he unlocked the door to his and Koichi’s home, it only worsened. “Koichi?” 

He called out again and received no answer.

Running up the stairs, skipping two at a time, he opened the bedroom door. Again Koichi sat underneath the window but this time, his body was convulsing. He ran towards him in an instant, dropping to his knees, he held him with one arm and then slapped Koichi’s face with his free hand.

“Hey, baby. Wake up!”

Koichi’s whole body wouldn’t stop shaking, foam came from his mouth and Toshiya was at a loss. Then it was over, Koichi’s lifeless eyes stared up at the ceiling and Toshiya could feel a tear roll down his cheek.

“Baby…” he whispered.

He gently shook his lover, no response. “Koichi...come on, wake up.”

Pushing himself off the floor with Koichi still in his arms, he carried him to the bed and sat down next to him. Seeing Koichi’s eyes again, closer this time, Toshiya bit back a sob. He knew in the back of his mind that the love of his life was gone. But he couldn’t let go.

He wanted to make love to Koichi again, like old times. He climbed over Koichi’s naked body and tilted his head so he didn’t have to look into his lover’s dull eyes. His hands roamed over the bruised flesh, for the first time, he felt guilty. While placing a kiss on every different hue of skin, he could feel his cock come to life.

As he entered Koichi for the last time, the sob he had been holding back finally made its way out. Tears fell freely onto Koichi’s skin below him. Fully inside, he let his body fall on top of his lover’s, nuzzling his neck. He tried his best to program Koichi’s scent into his memories. His right hand tightened in Koichi’s hair, while his left went down to grab at his lover’s ass, pumping in and out slowly and gently. 

“I’m sorry,” he cried as he felt himself spill inside, “I love you so much.”

His mind wandered to a time when Toshiya took Koichi to the fair, the embarrassment he had endured while riding the carousel because Koichi wanted to. Koichi chuckled with sweet honesty, holding onto the horse with one hand, his other pointing at him, he winked, “I love you so much, you know.”

Toshiya jerked away from Koichi’s body, disgusted at himself for what he had done. He stumbled out of the room and rushed to the toilet, emptying his stomach.

When did he become the type of person that he once tried to protect Koichi from? He didn’t deserve to live.


End file.
